Because You Ask Not

"You have not because you ask not."  James 4:2

It's frequently true in prayer,

and it's often true in marriage.

Well into our 49th year of marriage, I expressed my

frustration at "always" having to turn my husband's stockings

right side out when taking them out of the dryer.

Without a word, he started turning them

right side out before he put them into the laundry basket!

What a difference it makes in folding the laundry!

WHY didn't I ask long ago?!?

The Business of Marriage

Coffee and conversation shared in front of this fireplace at a coffee house recently...

Recently, I was reading a post about how couples who run a business together protect their relationships in the middle of their busy lives.  A simple idea of Matt and Lentil Purbrick  regarding their working lives intrigued me.

As well as separate work spaces, Matt and Lentil make sure they have clearly defined roles, and a scheduled weekly meeting to go through everything they’ve been working on individually. "Throughout the week, we write things on a notepad that we might want to talk about, and then we meet once a week over coffee to talk through it all’ Lentil explained.  

To maximize efficiency and minimize frustration, Matt and Lentil will write things they need the other to do on a blackboard throughout the day. "Then you can each look at it when you’re ready, instead of interrupting each other all day!"

Though we (Gary and I) don't run a business-business together, our daily lives ARE definitely a partnership--a marriage-business.  Sometimes our schedules overlap.  Other times, we have separate appointments, and responsibilities take us in two different directions.  Our lives are not so busy that we don't informally connect throughout the day, but sometimes "things" slip my mind (or his).  So the notepad idea appeals to me--maybe for review even more frequently than weekly!

We have synced our calendars on our cell phones.  This is a huge help.  Quiet minutes shared every morning before we jump into our day provide time to review the plans for the day.  We also enjoy day trips or late afternoon walks together.  Adding intentional conversations about dreams, goals, and mutual and individual projects to these outings pays off BIG time.

Seasons in married life come and go.  

This is where we find ourselves currently when it comes to the business of marriage.

What do YOU do to keep communication and cooperation flowing well?

Patina

“Love is not a vat that you fall into randomly. Love is saying I see everything about you, 

good and bad and I am still committed to you.”  (Tim Keller)

 I posted this quote on my facebook page the other day.  It generated many comments!  In fact, as I added a comment of my own, I realized I had a seed thought for a blog post!  So (as I frequently do), I put a few notes down, and instead of "publishing", I simply saved them for future development.

And the future is NOW!  It was the word "patina" in my comment that triggered my thinking:  

 I see so many "looking for love" or "giving up on love"....THIS quote - referring to Keller's -  really summarizes the love that has kept our marriage together these 42 years (or is it 43?)....And the funny part is, I'm not sure I had ANY idea what love was at the beginning. Every year it develops another layer - "patina" they call it in the vintage/antique furniture world.

We have two old wardrobes in our home.  It is the patina that makes them so attractive to me. Included in the definition of patina is a surface appearance of something grown beautiful especially with age or use...an aura derived from association, habit or established character.  

And how that describes our marriage!  Imperfect, but grown beautiful with age....association, habit and character!  I'm so glad I didn't give up.  I don't always FEEL "love"; but I frequently and regularly choose "commitment".

And by the way, I checked with my husband who is better at remembering dates and numbers and stuff...and it's been 42 years--going on 43. 

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (From I Corinthians 13)

Nuggets of Truth

 The extent to which you can "listen to understand" and "express to be understood" 
will help determine the level of intimacy in your marriage.

This morning I struggled to do both,

but I AM determined.

Just not perfect yet.

I don't remember whom to credit with the insight,

but I'm sure it's true.
I see broader applications to relationships in general, too...

What Nugget of Truth are YOU working on currently?

 

Submission 101

Us - 1971

(A friend of mine, posting on facebook)  All I'm going to say is, (her husband's name here) is absolutely the best. He is so very patient with me.

(Her husband, responding on facebook)  It's not that hard.  Give up and give in.

(Me on facebook)  This just may be the very-best-kept secret to a happy marriage that I've ever heard!  Submission 101.

(Paul, writing in Ephesians 5, continuing instructions
for everyday, Christian living)

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.   For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to o make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 

 

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, 

and the wife must respect her husband.

Submission 101 = Give up and give in (in the most healthy, whole way, of course)!

A Sane, Simple and Sacred Anniversary

 We celebrated our 42nd anniversary (late)

 by spending a few hours doing one of our favorite things--

 House and Garden Walking!

 The weather was delightful

 and the neighborhood was one we were not familiar with...

 These are a few of the outside scenes.

 (I never feel quite right about photographing interiors for some reason.)

 We always come home with new ideas and inspiration to improve our own 

 house and gardens.

 It's a SANE and SIMPLE way to celebrate our lives together, 

made SACRED by our mutual thanksgiving to our Heavenly Father

for His plan and wisdom in bringing us together --

and KEEPING us together.

Better than blogging

 There really ARE some things better than blogging!

My husband is OBVIOUSLY one of them...

and here he is sitting at a table at Barnes and Noble.

(He would tell you that a large caramel frappuccino  is better than blogging.)

 A few hours at the bookstore

with some of my favorite magazines 

IS better than blogging to me.

 From them, I get ideas to incorporate into our yard and garden--

 like these paths wandering on the pages above.

 A comfortable blue chair and bookcases filled with books to read

are better than blogging (I think)...

 ...and I came home with an idea for storing various scrubbers and scratchers, sink-side.

Holding an actual page containing the photo of the leather couch 

was better than viewing it on my laptop screen, and

 I even came home with an idea of a place to visit on our upcoming vacation (below)!

Speaking of vacation--that's ANOTHER thing that's better than blogging.

What are some things that are better than blogging to YOU?

My Love Language

Valentine's Day came and went.  The day before, my husband and I each enjoyed a piece of our favorite pie from The Diner - chocolate/peanut butter pie with whipped cream topping.  We called it "our Valentine celebration".  On the day itself, we both had responsibilities and chores to complete.  I was happy he agreed to pancakes and sausage for our mid-afternoon dinner.  When I went to make the pancakes however, there were bugs in the pancake mix!  Gross!  Soooooooo we went to Pizza Hut and followed that up with a few leisure hours at Barnes and Noble!  Spontaneous and unexciting by some standards, and nothing so out of the ordinary...but so "us".

I admit it.  As some people posted their glamorous gifts and exotic plans for celebrating the day, I wondered what was wrong with me.  Why do I rebel - yes, that's the word - "rebel" against the commercialization of something so basic and wonderful as love?

Recently one of my daughters mentioned her "love language".  She suggested I take a 30 question quiz on the internet to determine mine.  I struggled through the first 10 questions.  It was difficult for me to select my preferred method of receiving love in the options of at least six of them.  Neither of the two appealed to me.  I gave up.  (Maybe there IS something wrong with me.)

Today, my husband sprayed the green paint/primer on the second of two benches he created out an old wooden crib we found discarded curbside.  As I went out to photograph it, I realized I KNOW what my Love Language is!  Apparently my husband knows, too.

Now if I only knew what to call it....

Weekend Pleasure

 LAST week, the Segway Adventure...

YESTERDAY our transportation was THIS contraption!

Well, at least for one leg of our otherwise walking tour 

of a beautiful, old neighborhood in nearby Fort Wayne.

 Many of the interiors were lovely.

 Some were in various stages of renovation.

 It was the EXTERIORS that caught my camera's (well, cellphone camera, anyway) eye.

 Possibly this was because of the sheer BEAUTY of the day.

 Near perfect, cool weather with more than a hint

of autumn in the air...

It was such a pleasure to spend the hours

in one of my favorite recreational activities

in the company of my husband.

Just another reason to Bless the Lord, O My Soul!

Don't Miss This

At the risk of leading you to believe that all I do is "play",

 I'm sharing the sights on the streets of a nearby town, Auburn, IN.

 Remember.  My husband and I are spreading our 41st wedding celebration

over the entire summer!

 This is Part 3.

 Or Part 4 if you count the meal we enjoyed at The Factory on the actual day...

 Hmmmmm.  I guess I SHOULD count that.

 The town has a lot of new shops downtown.

 New to US, anyway!

 Coffee shops, specialty bakeries, antique stores, unique gift and craft shoppes,

 even a bicycle repair shop!

 Many restaurants surround the square, but our favorite is Sandra D's - NOT on the square.

 Every year, the town has an Art Exhibit  that draws people from ALL over

the area to see the work of local artists

 and periodically a nationally-known sculptor.

All over the square -- well-maintained flowers in large pots.

(This one is built into a building -- very European-like, it seemed to me.)

The chairs will be auctioned off in September but will be in place

for viewing throughout the summer.

You REALLY ought to see it if you can!

And always remember, that it is
God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. 
 (I Timothy 6:17)

Back Yard Beauty

 Beauty - natural AND handmade - is everywhere...

 often in our own "back yard"!

The balloons were the first indicator that SOMETHING was happening.

Sadly, the rest of the pictures of the Riverfest events and scenes didn't come out for me.
(My favorite parts were meandering among the artists' tents
and a pontoon ride down - or maybe it was up - the St. Joseph River.)
This outing was Part 2 of our 41st Anniversary Celebration.

Afterwards,

walking back to our car across the Indiana Purdue Fort Wayne Campus,

 I was intrigued by the variety of  beautiful trees.

This campus, just a few miles from our home,

is such an inviting place for a leisurely stroll.

 

Art and sculpture catch my eye

whether I understand it or not.

In this case, a written explanation was engraved

on a marker (not seen in the picture).

THEN I understood!

It reminds me of the natural beauty that piques my interest; 

catches my eye...

His Written Explanation lies bound and near me as I write.

HIS beauty surrounds me.

His Word brings understanding.

"...what may be known about God is plain to them,

because God has made it plain to them.  

For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities--

his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen,

being understood from what has been made..."  

Romans 1:19-20